~ Tracey and Tammy ~ BG Smith is checking in from a Temporary Duty Location (TDY) to express appreciation for her wife Tracey Hepner. She says “I could not be a General Officer without Tracey’s support. She is my source of strength and courage. If there are people who look up to me I would want them to know they are seeing a reflection of Tracey in all that I say and do. She has been loving, patient, supportive and ...]]>  

Heartwarming Notes from Our Service Members

~ Tracey and Tammy ~ BG Smith is checking in from a Temporary Duty Location (TDY) to express appreciation for her wife Tracey Hepner. She says “I could not be a General Officer without Tracey’s support. She is my source of strength and courage. If there are people who look up to me I would want them to know they are seeing a reflection of Tracey in all that I say and do. She has been loving, patient, supportive and brave throughout our military journey, both before and after DADT. I love her more than words can capture. She is the reason I am Army Strong.”

~ Stephanie and Ariana ~ Ariana, Words cannot express my gratitude for all of the strength and courage that you have given me. Your relentless efforts to facilitate positive cultural change in the military are beyond admirable. You are what motivates me. Your unconditional love and support are what allow me to be my authentic self, and wear the uniform with pride. You are my inspiration, partner, mentor, and best friend. Thank you for being you. I love you!

~ Dan and Scott ~ My husband, Dan LaMotte, has been inordinately supportive of my military career. He is my best friend and closest confidant. I wouldn’t go very far without his keen insight and sage advice. He works incredibly hard on behalf of myself and the soldiers of the 133d Washington Army National Guard Band as the Lead Family Readiness Group Coordinator. He also has been incredibly supportive as I have been working on my Doctorate at the University of Wisconsin-Madison. I am grateful for the nearly 5 years we have been together and am especially thankful that he did me the honor of becoming my husband a few weeks ago. I love you Dan and I am blessed to share my life with you!

~ Steve and Josh ~ My name is Major Steve Snyder-Hill. The person I would like to recognize is my husband Joshua Snyder-Hill. Josh is my everything. He has been with me through the worst and best times. We have been through a tough deployment spending any time we could on a terrible Skype connection. We spent holidays and birthdays over Skype. But every single night somehow we would say goodnight to each other. He has been the wind beneath my wings, and sometimes I easily see the negative in something, while Josh always points out the good or what could be out of a situation. He is my strength, and he is the force that fuels me every day to fight for equality for everyone. Josh is the best thing in my life, and I appreciate everything that he does so much. He is everything that I want to be.

~ Evie and Makenna ~ To my dearest wife Makenna: Because I have you in my life, the world is a brighter place. It is more joyous and beautiful than I ever could have imagined–and you have shown that to me. Because I have you as my wife, I am stronger than I ever was without you. You have helped me take on challenges and open myself up to new experiences and friendships and feelings. I hope I do the same for you. I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart, I know it hasn’t been an easy road so far on the military front but we are making progress in leaps and bounds and I know someday we will look back on all of this hardship and know that it was worth all the stress and pain and feelings of exclusion and we will see that while it was difficult and at times, seemingly impossible, it was totally worth it–and through it all we have been at each other’s side every step of the way. I love you so much and honestly can’t imagine my life without you, thank you for always standing by my side and knowing that behind every successful officer is an amazing and supportive spouse! Love always and forever, Evie Bird

~ David and Darin ~ I know without a doubt that my husband, Darin Brunstad, is the finest example of a Military Spouse. Darin has always supported my Army and Air Force careers, never questioning my duties in the military, and kept our household together during my deployments so I could always focus on the mission. I would like to let Darin know how much his support means to me and I wouldn’t have made it this far in the military without him by my side. I love you babe. MSgt David Brunstad, 142 Security Forces Squadron, Oregon Air National Guard

~ Deborah and Tania ~To My Beautiful Wife, Deborah: You have the hardest, most important job in the world; All of the little and big things that comprise your days´ activities are essential to the well-being of our family. Without you, I would not be able to put 100% into my job in the Army.You have stuck with me through a deployment, countless field exercises, and days and nights away. You have helped to dress, feed, and bathe, you have been a third and fourth hand when I was injured or too tired to do something. You have been a shoulder to cry on, and a hand to hold when things were just too hard. I know that sometimes it seems as if I put you second to the Army, but believe me, when I am not with you, I am telling everyone at work how lucky I am to have you as my wife. I rush home every day because you are there. You are the best friend and wife that I could ever ask for, and the best mother that our children could ever have. Thank you for putting up with me, and sticking by my side. Love Always, Tania

~ Michael and Stephen ~ Dear Stephen: You’ve always been there. Even before venturing forth on this journey of military service, you were there supporting me, encouraging me, teaching me, and loving me. Despite knowing the risks and closets required, you proudly stood by as I enlisted in the Army, and dealt with the separations from training, mobilizations, and deployments, as well as the unfair insults placed upon you and our love by unjust laws. You have supported the family and friends of my Soldiers and peers, and even when there was no official recognition, you have always been an ideal military spouse. I love you dearly, honey, and look fondly back on such wonderful memories and forward to our many years to come. ILD, Michael 

~ Heather and Adrianna ~ Heather, i love you so much. You really are the best wife i ever could have hoped for, and only because of you am i able to do what i do.

~Christopher and Joshua ~ To my Partner of two years Joshua Howard: I love you baby. YOU are my rock and have helped keep our house a home while i have been gone doing the bidding of the United States Navy with the now USS ARLINGTON (LPD 24). I know often you cast your eyes south needing something but you made it through! I all too often cast my eyes north needing your support going through the rough times. THANK YOU FOR BEING THERE!! I LOVE YOU TODAY, TOMORROW, AND FOREVER! Love, Christopher Hooper, IT1(SW/AW) United States Navy.

~ April and Jen ~ Military Spouse Apperciation Day is today.. though many of us are not married but are in relationships either way; today is the day we turn to that person we love/live with and thank them for putting up with all the things that they have had to put up with. Some of us are in a dual-military relationships.. no matter if we are or not; we still know the headaches and distances that can come btwn each other. Just remember you are never alone. Here is to the future and I thank you Jen Johnstonfor putting up with all my stories and complaints I have. I love you!

Find many more Military Spouse Appreciation Day notes on MPFC Facebook Page at www.facebook.com/milpfc

As part of our ongoing Military Voices Initiative, StoryCorps Door-to-Door traveled to the Human Rights Campaign Headquarters in Washington, DC to record stories in partnership with the Military Partners and Families Coalition (MPFC), a non-profit that provides support, advocacy, education and outreach for partners and children of LGBT service members — including families of service members on active duty, in the reserves, national guard, and veterans.

During our stay in DC, I met Allyson Robinson, ...]]> A Trans Woman’s Journey to Her True Self

Reposted from StoryCorps blog: http://storycorps.org/partners/military-partners-and-families-coalition-mpfc/

As part of our ongoing Military Voices Initiative, StoryCorps Door-to-Door traveled to the Human Rights Campaign Headquarters in Washington, DC to record stories in partnership with the Military Partners and Families Coalition (MPFC), a non-profit that provides support, advocacy, education and outreach for partners and children of LGBT service members — including families of service members on active duty, in the reserves, national guard, and veterans.

During our stay in DC, I met Allyson Robinson, who came to StoryCorps with her wife Danyelle and shared her story of coming out as a transgender woman and, in her own words, eventually living a life with honesty reflecting who she truly is.

Allyson, a graduate of the United States Military Academy at West Point, spoke about having to suppress her feelings of who she really was throughout her Military career. During her time at West Point, she said she was in denial and would overwork to suppress her needs to express herself as a woman and felt guilty whenever she did. “I lied and I hid a lot. I kept a suitcase inside another suitcase in a a trunk room at West Point where I would keep some clothes and make up,” she said.

Allyson spoke about contemplating suicide as the only way out before realizing she had to “live life with honesty, quit fighting and just be,” she added. This is when she decided to come out to her wife, who she was married to since 1994, and their four children.

Her wife, Danyelle, talked about what went through her mind as her then husband came out to her as a transgender woman. ” I remember being bewildered and knowing it was better to know, but at that point I didn’t know what it meant. There were questions out there that I didn’t know”.

Danyelle said she admired Allyson’s honesty and stood by her side. “I let time work through all of the questions and details.” She explained how their four kids were accepting and how easy they took it. “They were wonderful, they were the easiest part.”

Allyson explained what she feared the most through the years, which was to lose her family, did not happen after she came out and how glad she is of it. She took the opportunity to thank her wife for sticking by her side throughout the difficult transition.

In 2012, after serving four years as first Deputy Director for Employee Programs at Human Rights Campaign, Allyson Robinson became the executive director of OutServe-SLDN, a leading advocacy organization serving active-duty LGBT members of the military and veterans. She lives in Maryland with her wife and four children.

This is an amazing day. You are an amazing sight.

My name is Linda Campbell. I’m a military veteran of 25 years.

I know that the spirit of my spouse, Nancy, is smiling with all of us today.

Nancy and I were together for over 17 years. Domestically partnered twice, tried but failed to marry three times – in San Francisco, in Portland Oregon and right here in Washington DC. We finally were able to marry in Canada.

For ...]]> Linda Campbell’s rally words on the steps of the Supreme Court.

This is an amazing day. You are an amazing sight.

My name is Linda Campbell. I’m a military veteran of 25 years.

I know that the spirit of my spouse, Nancy, is smiling with all of us today.

Nancy and I were together for over 17 years. Domestically partnered twice, tried but failed to marry three times – in San Francisco, in Portland Oregon and right here in Washington DC. We finally were able to marry in Canada.

For 12 years Nancy suffered with metastatic cancer and the side effects of frequent
chemotherapy treatments. She died this past December.

Last month, Nancy and I became the first lesbian or gay couple to ever receive approval
to be buried together at one of our Nation’s national cemeteries. Our country is
changing….. and it’s my hope – and expectation – that soon other loving couples will see
their unions respected in such a way.

I recall sometime during Nancy’s last few months when she was on oxygen and could
only move between the bed and the couch, she said to me, “Linda, some people would
look at me and say, ‘Why do you continue your fight against this disease? You have no
quality of life.’ She said, “When I was younger, seeing a person like me, I might have
said the same thing. But as your circumstances change, your perspective changes too.

“My quality of life is looking at you. It’s sharing our memories. It is living in this home
that we created together. That is worth fighting for. ”

That is the kind of love we shared. We shared hopes and dreams and healthcare struggles.
We were there for each other in sickness and in health. We tried very very hard to grow
old together. We were together for 17 years until death did us part. We had the kind of
marriage that most people dream of –young people, old people, gay people and straight
people.

Nancy and I felt the joy of marriage; we had the love and commitment of marriage. But
we could only long for our marriage to be respected through the laws of our Land.

Nancy would be proud and so very happy to be here with us today as we stand on the
cusp of marriage equality.

Thank you!

Linda Campbell
Supreme Court Rally
March 26, 2013

(Original Post: http://www.jointbasemdl.af.mil/news/story.asp?id=123342546)

4/1/2013 - JOINT BASE MCGUIRE-DIX-LAKEHURST, N.J. – Brig. Gen. Tammy Smith, Army Reserve Human Capital Core Enterprise director, was the keynote speaker at the second annual Knights Out Dinner at the U.S. Military Academy at West Point, March 23, 2013.

“Family support is foundational to our military identity,” said Smith. “Many service members in the room lived with secret families during the days of the ‘Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell’ policy. I was one of those soldiers. ...]]> We Are Family

by Sgt. 1st Class Stan Maszczak
174th Infantry Brigade Public Affiars Office

(Original Post: http://www.jointbasemdl.af.mil/news/story.asp?id=123342546)

4/1/2013 - JOINT BASE MCGUIRE-DIX-LAKEHURST, N.J. – Brig. Gen. Tammy Smith, Army Reserve Human Capital Core Enterprise director, was the keynote speaker at the second annual Knights Out Dinner at the U.S. Military Academy at West Point, March 23, 2013.

“Family support is foundational to our military identity,” said Smith. “Many service members in the room lived with secret families during the days of the ‘Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell’ policy. I was one of those soldiers. For those of you who are already married, or have partners who are potential spouses, you are a military family that happens to be LGBT (lesbian, gay, bisexual or transgender), not an LGBT family that happens to be military. A stable home life provides a soldier the freedom of movement to meet the needs of the Army, which we know are very demanding.”

Smith received the Courage Award from Knights Out, a non-profit organization of West Point alumni, staff, faculty and allies who are united in supporting the rights of LGBT soldiers to openly serve their country just before giving her keynote address. Jonathan Hopkins, West Point Class of 2001 and Knights Out executive director, presented Smith with the award.

“Personal Courage is an Army value,” said Hopkins. “The Courage Award is meant to highlight those who stood up and made a difference … their actions inspire others, and motivate those who follow in their lead to be stronger and more capable leaders. They are an asset to us all.”

After the repeal of DADT in 2011, Smith became the first openly gay flag officer when she included her wife, Tracey Hepner, co-founder of the Military Partners and Families Coalition, in her August 2012 promotion ceremony. Hepner pinned the new rank onto her wife’s uniform in traditional family fashion. Army promotion ceremonies frequently incorporate family as a way of recognizing the support system that has contributed to the soldier’s successful career and promotion. After decades of having to hide her own identity and relationship to Smith, Hepner values the opportunity to now be introduced and recognized as a military spouse.

“It’s important for people to see us together as a military family, as our authentic selves,” said Hepner. “We help replace negative stereotypes with positive examples. It’s been a very positive experience.”

The Knights Out dinner was attended not only by LGBT service members, veterans and their families, but also straight supporters. One such supporter was Army Capt. Brandon Anderson, currently assigned to the 174th Infantry Brigade, First Army Division East, at Joint Base McGuire-Dix-Lakehurst, N.J. Anderson, who graduated from West Point in 2003, has served more than 36 months in combat. He’s been an infantry platoon leader, an advisor in the Helmand Province of Iraq, and a company commander for Task Force Stryker.

While he was never opposed to gays serving openly, Anderson said it was a personal relationship that helped move him to a place of open support of his LGBT brothers and sisters in arms.

“I knew Jon Hopkins when he was a cadet – he was two years ahead of me,” said Anderson. “I saw him again at Captain’s Career Course, and he was always someone I looked up to and respected.”

Anderson’s respect for Hopkins is well-earned. Hopkins was fourth in his West Point class of 933 cadets. He received the Knox Award, given to the cadet with the highest rated military efficiency in the class. Multiple combat deployments later, after receiving three bronze stars including one with valor, Hopkins was called into his battalion commander’s office for two reasons. First, he was selected to be promoted to the rank of major a year early – an enormous achievement for an officer; and second, he was being investigated under DADT. Fourteen months later, instead of being promoted early, Hopkins was discharged from the Army under DADT.

“When I found out that he was gay, it made it personal … because at the end of the day, this is about people in the Army coming together, accepting their brothers and sisters not just as soldiers but as citizens,” Anderson said.

Soldiers of all ranks notice when leaders, especially those like Anderson who are not LGBT, go out of their way to stand in support.

“It’s a big deal to see straight leadership here to support gay soldiers,” said Army Sgt. Miguel Cano, 404th Signal Company, 77th Sustainment Brigade team chief, who attended the event with his husband, Brian Driscoll. “At the end of the day, we’re all family – and not everyone realizes that yet.”

Air Force Tech. Sgt. Erwynn Umali-Behrens, Kish Airman Leadership School professional military education instructor, and his husband Will Umali-Behrens, have received support from their military leaders and peers. They were special guests at the Knights Out dinner, having been the first same-sex couple to marry on a military installation. The two became a blended family in June 2012 with four school-age children from their previous marriages.

“Family is the reason why we do things,” said Erwynn. “We do have support from our leadership, we do have support from our friends, co-workers and our kids, and that’s the awesome thing.”

Support is also being felt at the U.S. Military Academies, and specifically at West Point. This was the first year that Spectrum, USMA’s gay-straight alliance, was recognized as an official group on campus and able to team up with Knights Out to be a part of the annual dinner. Cadet Katie Starr, a West Point sophomore, publicly came out last summer and immediately dove into service with the group, becoming its treasurer.

Starr says things are looking better and better regarding the future of LGBT open service in the armed forces.

“I see it as eventually being a non-issue – not any different than being black, or being a female,” Starr said. “Here at West Point, it’s awesome.”

There have been many “firsts” in the last couple of years since the repeal of DADT, but Smith reminded the group that these “firsts” are neither goals nor attempts at changing people. She said they are byproducts of soldiers being authentic to who they are and living the Army values. She re-emphasized the importance of being soldiers first, LGBT second; and allowing their commitment to the Army’s mission to speak for itself.

“Leadership is about being a role model,” Smith added. “I don’t think I’m a role model because I’m gay. I believe I’m a role model because I adhere to Army values by being true to my authentic self.”

By Tracey Cooper-Harris

Whoo-Hoo!!  Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell (DADT) has been repealed!  The outgoing Secretary of Defense extended additional benefits to the same-sex spouses of our military and  retirees, so the Veterans Administration must have done the same!  Our families will be treated the same as similarly-situated heterosexual couples who have served or are still serving in our military, right?

No. 

Those expanded benefits for our currently serving military, retirees, and veterans are still limited by the Defense of Marriage ...]]> How Defense of Marriage Act is affecting my family

By Tracey Cooper-Harris

Whoo-Hoo!!  Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell (DADT) has been repealed!  The outgoing Secretary of Defense extended additional benefits to the same-sex spouses of our military and  retirees, so the Veterans Administration must have done the same!  Our families will be treated the same as similarly-situated heterosexual couples who have served or are still serving in our military, right?

No. 

Those expanded benefits for our currently serving military, retirees, and veterans are still limited by the Defense of Marriage Act, or DOMA: http://www.defense.gov/news/Same-SexBenefitsMemo.pdf

http://www.benefits.va.gov/PERSONA/lgb.asp

Additionally, there is another law, Title 38 of the United States Code which was written many years before DOMA and defines “spouse” and “surviving spouse” as a person of the opposite sex who is a wife or husband.  So even without DOMA, same-sex spouses would be denied the same benefits that opposite sex spouses receive.  Both DOMA and the definitions in Title 38 need to be struck down before same-sex spouses can begin receiving benefits.  

Despite the repeal of DADT, DOMA denies over1130 federal marital benefits to legally married same-sex couples.  The only way for our families to have the same rights and responsibilities of marriage as similarly situated heterosexual couples is for Congress to repeal DOMA and change the definitions in Title 38, or for the Supreme Court to strike down DOMA.  As I am typing this note, the Supreme Court is set to hear oral arguments in two cases concerning same-sex marriage—one challenging the constitutionality of DOMA and the other challenging Proposition 8 in California:

• Hollingsworth v. Perry: the challenge to Proposition 8, which stopped same-sex marriage in California after the California Supreme Court ruled it was legal.
• United States v. Windsor: a challenge to section 3 of DOMA, which denies the more than 1130 federal marital benefits unavailable to legally married same-sex couples.  The Plaintiff in this case is an 83-year-old widow who had to pay $345,000 in taxes after her wife died.  She would not have had to pay those taxes if she was in a heterosexual marriage.

Right now, my wife and I are challenging DOMA and Title 38 in federal court. I am a US Army veteran who served on active duty from 1991-1999, and 2002-2003 for Enduring Freedom and the kick off to Iraqi Freedom. I married my wife Maggie in California back in 2008, but I originally met her in a rugby match right before I deployed to the Middle East.  When I returned home, she and her teammates decided I would be better as a teammate than an opponent.  That camaraderie as teammates developed into friendship, and then we became a couple in 2005. 

A few years after we married, I was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis (MS).  MS is an incurable disease of the brain and central nervous system that can affect balance, memory, speech, vision…you name it.  It affects each person differently.  It was hard to deal with what would happen to Maggie should something happen to me.  I started getting all of my end-of-life paperwork in order, just in case, so Maggie would be okaywhen something happened to me.

The VA has determined that my MS, and some other conditions, as being caused by my military service.  Because I am married to Maggie and not a man, the VA does not consider my wife as my dependent.  Sure, I can and do have her designated as my Power of Attorney and Advanced Directive if I become incapacitated and can no longer make decisions for myself.  I have her as my next-of kin and emergency contact in my records at the Veterans Hospital Administration.  Maggie is also my beneficiary on my Service-Disabled Veterans Insurance.  But the VA considers me a single veteran, despite abiding by the same marriage laws and receiving the same marriage license as any other married couple from the state of California.  This means that:

      I cannot transfer GI Bill benefits to my wife

      I cannot include Maggie’s income as my spouse for a Federal VA Home Loan to buy a house.

      Maggie is currently ineligible to receive Dependency & Indemnity Compensation (DIC) from the VA if my death is caused by any of my service-connected disabilities

      I do not receive additional money at the dependent rate because I am married to a woman

      Maggie wouldn’t get the US flag presented to her at my funeral

      Maggie could not be buried with me at any state or national veterans cemetery which has received federal funding (and despite CA recognizing our marriage, Maggie cannot be buried with me because the State Veterans Cemeteries have received funding from the federal government)

These issues we are fighting for will also have an impact on you as your spouse retires or transitions out of the military and looks into their VA Benefits.  The majority of these benefits we are fighting for kick in upon the death of the veteran, and I want to make sure that Maggie has access to every benefit I earned from my time in the Army.

The Southern Poverty Law Center (SPLC) and the law firm of Wilmer Hale are helping us challenge DOMA and Title 38 so that the VA can recognize our marriage.  Right now, our case is in the U.S. District Court for the Central District of California in Los Angeles, and is still moving forward.  Here are the links from SPLC about our case:

http://www.splcenter.org/get-informed/news/challenging-federal-policy-that-denies-equal-benefits-to-veterans-in-same-sex-marr

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O0_n576IZSo

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vxvzOoUx_4c

Both cases currently before the Supreme Court may have some influence in our case.  I hope that all of the cases challenging DOMA will ensure that it is struck down.